the wound heals; the scar still shows

A year ago today I held you in my arms, our foreheads pressed together, and listened to you take your last breath. I kissed your nose one last time and soundlessly whispered goodbye. For a while it was an intense hurt that burned all the time. But it eased as the months passed and the wound in my heart turned into a scar. I use to dream about you a lot, especially when I was stressed, feeling scared or sad. But even that had eased up.
This morning I woke up to a phone call and then went back to sleep. And I dreamed about him. I dreamed we were laying on the floor together, and that I was crying because the time to say goodbye was drawing closer by the hour. We were hugging. It was a weird dream though, like I could feel myself waking up and was trying to stay asleep to stay with him. Like maybe, if I slept a little longer we’d actually be hugging. When I actually woke up I didn’t really remember the dream, but I felt seriously depressed. Later during the day, driving back from lunch I said “I had a dream about my dog last night.” Kirsten said “really, are you okay?” and I said “yeah, I mean, I use to dream about him a lot, it’s just weird, it hasn’t happened in a while.” I didn’t look at or think about the date.
Just now I realized it was the year anniversary. And, the time at which I was having this dream about saying goodbye, was almost on the dot the exact time it happened a year ago. Weird timing.

Sometimes, I’m just not sure about things.