lights

Can you hear this? When my eyes are closed I can hear those cedars calling my name, that river singing to me; do you hear it? Am I alone? When I find myself missing the comfort of your presence in my life, do you feel me? Do you walk past a tree and see me? This is just where I’m supposed to be. This is not where I belong. My body fits in naturally, but nothing here really knows my soul. Relationships here are easy, effortless and right, but no one here knows what I’m feeling deep down. What am I feeling deep down?
Nature. Nothing sounds better than sitting at the top of Mary’s Peak. Walking along the bank of the McKenzie. Hiking up Dimple Hill. Talking with you in the thick trees. This building accepts me, but it doesn’t understand me the way the sky does. I miss the stars. I miss standing in the cold and loving its sharp sting. There are no cuts in my soul that Mother Nature needs to heal but without contact with her it starts to compress, the brilliant green starts to fade.
I walk through the empty campus. The night air kisses my cheeks. The lamps just illuminate the trees so that their rich green and brown is just visible against the dark sky showing through them. Stars are visible despite the glare of the city lights. The buildings shine in the night, like closer but so different stars. I can feel the mountain looming behind me in the darkness. I can’t see it. I can’t even be sure of where it is. I’m not sure how to get there and right now it’s impossible for me to. But I know it’s there. Somewhere in the distance. I know you’re there. I can’t see you, but I can feel you. We’re not together, but we’re not apart. Nature is not wrapping its arms around me, but I’m not away from it.
The waves of life undulate; rise and fall, crash and lay calm; wash against the sand and rest on top of the rocks. We turn away from the ocean and walk into the land. Always where we’ve been but on our way to where we’re going. Together despite the distance. In the woods despite the buildings. I’m not alone even though there’s no one around. I can hear the world and I know you can hear me. It would be great to see you, to be in nature with you, but I’m so good here.